We Need To Talk...

Happy hump day! Welcome back to Thoughts & Musings, where today we will discuss the (typically) dreaded phrase, “We need to talk…”.

Often times, these 4 little words instill anxiety and fear and makes you think of everything you’ve ever done in the history of your existence, ever.

In this episode, we are going to give you a few things that you and your future spouse should consider discussing with one another before tying the knot, to severely limit the number of times that phrase is said in your marriage. So, let’s chat:

• 1. Kids.
  Do you both want them? How many? It’s very true that some people just simply do not want kids, and there is nothing wrong with that, just like there is nothing wrong with wanting kids! But, what could go wrong, is one of you wanting kids and the other being adamant about no kids. Unfortunately, there is very little compromise here, so make sure you both are on the same page on this one before saying, “I do!”. If you agree that no kids are in your future, read on to number . However, if you both want children, then keep reading:

  • Parenting style. Are you going to be the “fun” parents, or the disciplinarians? One of each, maybe? Who gets to be whom? Is spanking an appropriate form of punishment for a wrongdoing, or would a time-out work better? There are a plethora of ways to parent a child, and no one way is right or wrong. The both of you just need to have a discussion about how you envision doing it, that will work for the both of you.

  • Religion/Spirituality. In what faith, if any, do you want to raise your child(ren)? What holidays do you want to celebrate as a family? Traditionally, the child would be raised under the Mother’s religion, but that doesn’t HAVE to be the case, of course! Talk it out thoroughly, ESPECIALLY if you and your spouse believe in different things. It may be uncomfortable now, but not as uncomfortable as a thorn in your marriage later down the road!

  • Roles. If/when a baby is introduced into your world, is Mom expected to be a stay-at-home parent while Dad goes to work each day? Or, maybe Dad stays home? Or both parents chase their career dreams, if they have them, and hire a nanny or pay for daycare? Whichever route you choose, is entirely up to you! Just make sure you bring it up in conversation at some point (before the wedding, and definitely before the baby comes, would be best) so you both know what the expectation and wishes are!

• 2. The Wedding Budget.
  Does your dream wedding need to cost you an arm and a leg, or are there things you can forego having to better fit your finances? Although money can be taboo and uncomfortable to discuss, this is a perfect time to practice managing your (joint) finances for after you’re married! Money can be a major red flag in a relationship, and the lack of it can cause more stress than necessary. Be sure to discuss where you’re at, where you want to be, and the means you currently have (and want to save) to get there. This brings us to our next point:

  • DEBT. Start your marriage off on the right foot - transparency. If either of you have a significant amount of debt, it is SO important to be honest about it. You and your spouse will begin to share credit cards, purchase homes, cars, etc., and your credit scores will begin to affect you both (positively and/or negatively). When you’re married, it isn’t just about you anymore; you have to think about the other person now, too.

• 3. In-Law Expectations.
  Do you just adore the members of the family you are joining and want to see them as often as possible, or would you rather limit the visits to just holidays? What kind of influence does your spouse’s Mother have on your spouse, or does your Father-in-law decide where your money should be spent? It seems silly, if you’re married, that your parents still want to have a say in how you “grow up”, but it happens. And when it happens, it can be a big wedge between the newlyweds if you both don’t set/agree on boundaries. We know they are your parents and you love them, but you also love each other and have made a commitment to one another for the rest of your lives!

• 4. Living Situation.
  Where do you both want to settle down at, or do you want to live a nomadic lifestyle? Is it important to live closer to work, or in a better school district for when you start your family (if that’s what you decide)? This is a super important topic, even if you don’t exactly know where your forever-place will be. Be sure to be honest about what is important to you - work, schools, family, relocating, starting new/fresh.

• 5. Pre-Nup Agreement.
  Want to get super raw with one another? Talk about if a pre-nup is right for THE BOTH OF YOU!

• 6. The D-Word.
  We know, we know… this is a wedding planning blog, not divorce court, and we don’t mean to be Debbie-downers, but this is as real as it gets. The goal is forever, not just “for now until you do this, that, or the other thing”. Don’t focus on this too much with your future spouse, but do talk about what your deal-breakers are.

We know that these aren’t the most exciting things to bring up to your forever-person, but that’s why it is that much more important that you do. Don’t just think that because there is a ring on your finger, it will be easier to discuss, and don’t sweep them under the rug and think they won’t surface again. Talk through them now, so you actually KNOW what you are vowing your life to… because this is YOUR life now, too!

The Great Outdoors

Welcome back to Thoughts & Musings!

With the weather (finally) breaking here in the Midwest, there is so much more buzz outside… which includes wedding ceremonies and receptions! Outdoor weddings in the summer are hands-down some of the best. It’s hard to beat the warm rays, nice breeze, refreshing cocktails, and romantic sunset backdrops.

However, if you’re planning an outdoor summer wedding of your own, there are a few things you should keep in mind before you go walking down that aisle to start your forever. Keep reading for 9 key things to consider when celebrating outside:

1. HAVE A BACK-UP PLAN! Obviously you don’t necessarily want an indoor wedding (or else you wouldn’t have planned an outdoor one), but Mother Nature calls the shots around here. It’s best to come up with a backup plan, just in case. Having a solution for inclement weather will save you a lot of wedding day stress.

2. AVOID STARTING THE CEREMONY TOO EARLY! This can be tough due to the excitement of kissing your now-husband, but you’ll thank us later for this one. Avoid having your ceremony during the hottest part of the day so that you and your guests don’t melt.

3. ONE WORD: SUNSCREEN! Even if you do take our advice and push your festivities back a couple hours towards dusk, sunscreen is still a must! Make sure to stash some mini bottles of sunscreen in the bag that your future-mother-in-law is responsible for so that it is on site for you, and/or your guests, to use. They could even be your wedding favors!

4. COVER THE CHAIRS! Have you ever sat in a chair without a cushion that’s been sitting out in the sun for hours? Okay then, you know it’s not a very pleasant feeling. Save your guests from potentially burning the back of their legs on hot chairs by putting simple chair covers on them. You’ll be doing your guests a huge favor providing chair covers, cushions or basically anything else that will prevent the scorching hot chair from coming into contact with their skin.

5. WHO WORE IT BEST? Both you and your maids are going to sweat like crazy at your summer wedding, assuming Mother Nature is in a good mood that day. It’s inevitable. You will be miserable if you choose dresses for yourself and your bridal party that are made of thick, heavier fabric. It’s summer, so opt for lightweight fabrics and shorter styles. No one, including yourself, wants to look (or feel) like a hot mess the entire day.

6. PICK APPROPRIATE SUMMER WEDDING FOOD! Be very wary of the foods choices you provide your guests with at your summer wedding. Many dishes will either melt or spoil in hot warm temperatures. It’s best to avoid items like cheese, dairy, spreads, and anything else that must be served cold; unless of course, you can leave it inside. If possible, consider having the dinner take place in an indoor setting, or at least have the food set up inside somewhere!

7. DON’T SET THE CAKE UP FOR FAILURE! Fondant has a time and a place, and it’s certainly at summer weddings. If you’re planning on having your wedding on a hot summer day, we highly advise against getting your wedding cake made with regular icing. Your beautiful dream cake won’t look too dreamy as it melts all over the table. Fondant will hold up in the heat, unlike other creamier frostings, saving yourself a gigantic, sticky mess.

8. HYDRATION STATION! Weddings are a wonderful place for cocktails, sure! But when out in the hot sun all day with nothing flowing through the veins but alcohol, it is the recipe for disaster (…okay fine, that’s a little extreme. We meant dehydration). Have easy accessibility to ice water, or place watermelon wedges around the bar area for guests to grab, as they please. You don’t want anyone passing out from the heat or dehydration.

9. SHOO, FLY! If you’re getting married outdoors in the heat of summer, bug spray is a definite must. NOTHING is worse than getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, and honestly, I would leave a reception early solely for that reason! The last thing you want is for people to bail out on your special day early because they’re having a horribly, itchy time. Place a few bottles of bug spray in the bathrooms and around common areas at your wedding venue. If you don’t want the unpleasant smell of bug spray in the air, try lighting bug-repelling candles on the tables!

Keep the outdoors great for your wedding with these hacks! After all, it is your big day and it should be PERFECT!

See you next time on Thoughts & Musings!

T.M.I (but, Valuable Nonetheless)!

Welcome back to Thoughts & Musings!

As a bride, it’s typical to be overwhelmed with questions, decisions, details, and more. In today’s episode, we are going to talk about what exactly the “more” is, and fair warning, it’s about to get personal!

We are here to shed some light on the worries that brides will have the closer it gets to wedding day - the worries that aren’t normally discussed (but should be!) when it comes to being THE BRIDE! Although a bit taboo, trust us when we say that you’re not the first bride to panic over these lingering questions, and you surely won’t be the last…

Personal question #1: How will I be able to use the bathroom while dressed in my wedding gown?
You could, although it would be A LOT of work, take the dress off completely every time you have to go tinkle, but this wouldn’t be our recommendation. Instead, you know those bridesmaids you chose to stand by your side on your big day? Well, if you weren’t close before, you surely will be now. Typically it takes two (sometimes even three, depending on the dress) bridesmaids to help you go potty; one bridesmaid will stand on either side of you to hold your dress, while you focus on not soiling your undergarments. No room for modesty on your wedding day (well, ONLY while in the bathroom, that is). Another pro tip: sit on the toilet seat backwards, so you are facing the wall, to avoid the train of your dress from possibly slipping into the toilet bowl.

Personal question #2: What if Aunt Flo decides to come, even if she wasn’t invited?
Ahhh yes, our dear Aunt Flo. We love her (when we are expecting her), don’t we? If you happen to be on the pill, you can talk with your doctor about how to safely tweak your schedule to either speed up or delay your cycle, depending on which makes the most sense for your wedding day. Typically, you can alter your natural schedule by skipping your sugar pills, but we are wedding planners, NOT DOCTORS!! Be sure to talk to your physician about what is best for your body!
If you are not on the pill, still go talk to your doctor - there may be something he/she can do! However, even if Aunt Flo demands she be at your big day, don’t stress too much about it. You’re a woman. It’s natural. Just be prepared with EXTRA protection so you can change frequently to avoid an accident!

Personal question #3: You know how when some girls get too warm, they glisten? Yeah, that’s not me! I SWEAT! How do I avoid pit stains on my wedding dress and keep my BO away?
First and foremost, even “those” girls who only glisten still produce body odor. Again, keep in mind that sweating is NATURAL. It’s your body’s way of it keeping itself cool… but, we do understand that you don’t want to worry about these pesky things on your big day, so here are some solutions:
Some brides will get Botox injections in their armpits to prevent excessive sweating. That, however, can be a bit extreme to others, so we encourage you to keep a mini travel-size deoderant in your purse (or have one of your bridesmaids hold onto it in theirs) to apply throughout the day. We have heard wonderful things about “Certain Dri”, for what it’s worth.

Personal question #4: Would I just be the worst bride/wife on the planet if I were too tired to have sex on my wedding night?
NOT AT ALL! You’d be surprised how many newlyweds actually don’t have sex on their wedding night for that very reason (or because they drank one drink too many)! In a recent survey, AT LEAST 25% of just married couples refrain from having sex on the night of their wedding. Remember, the day of the wedding wasn’t just one day - it was months of planning and preparation, and THAT can be tiring. Plus, you literally have the rest of your lives to get busy in the bedroom!

Personal question #5: I really don’t like being the center of attention, and I know that on my wedding day everyone will be looking at me. That makes me nervous, and when I get nervous, my mouth gets drier than the Sahara and my breath starts to stink. How can I make sure that my breath stays fresh all day?
Before your wedding day, it would be a VERY good idea to take a trip to the dentist (for obvious reasons). You can ask the dentist to give your teeth a good cleaning to remove the built up plaque, for that is the culprit for bad breath. Leading up to the big day, and especially on the big day, be sure to drink lots of water since lack of fluids can impact your breath (if you were worried about drinking too much fluid because of needing to use the bathroom, refer to personal question #1). Mints are also a good idea. Have the bridesmaid who is holding your deoderant add mints to their purse, too! Although gum can be helpful, we don’t recommend that for no one wants to see a gorgeous bride in a beautiful gown chomping away on a piece of Bazooka Bubble Gum.

Of course, there are more concerning thoughts that go through a bride’s mind, as the wedding day approaches, but just remember this:

THERE IS A SOLUTION FOR EVERYTHING! And, even if there wasn’t, at the end of the day you will be married to the man or woman your heart desires most, and that’s the greatest solution of them all!

Looking forward to chatting with you again soon on Thoughts & Musings!

Love Story: Christian Jewkes & Brittney Robb

Welcome back to Thoughts & Musings, and our next edition of our Love Story series! Today’s love story takes “love at first sight” to a whole new level with Christian and Brittney! Take a look for yourself:

“I guess starting from the beginning would make the most sense. Let’s take things back to 2013, I was attending a Vemma Focus convention, the Network Marketing company I was in at the time, and that’s where I first saw the man that I will soon call my husband this year! From the moment Christian walked across that stage, I just knew that my life was never going to be the same as it was before. Believe it or not, I turned to a good friend of mine who was sitting next to me and I said, with NO hesitation whatsoever, “That’s my future husband.” I had no idea who he was nor where he was from, but I can still feel the chills my whole body experienced when I laid my eyes on him.

Despite seeing him at the conference, we never actually met. That didn’t change my mind, though; I knew, deep down, that he was the man God designed for me. Over a year or so, I followed Christian’s journey through social media platforms (what a time to be alive). I never actually made a move until he posted a picture of a burrito one day from Chipotle; at the time, Chipotle was experiencing an eColi outbreak, so I commented saying, “Don’t get sick.” And it was that slick move of mine that marked the beginning of Brittney protecting Christian, and Christian realizing that maybe he wanted to save me, too.

I was living in Canada at the time, and Christian in North Carolina, so we FaceTimed for months. We were able to conquer all the challenges that long distance, time difference, and entrepreneurship pose to a young couple. We finally met in person for the first time at (another) business convention in Orlando, Florida in 2015. The moment I saw Christian again in person, I immediately started bawling. I had never known a love like this, and the thought of not being with him forever was devastating to me. It may seem extreme, but there was no way I was leaving without knowing when I’d see him again. I flew home the next day, ran up to my Dad and said, “You have to meet my future husband.” He told her to fly him in the next day (he’s the best!). Christian had no idea how persistent I was until he looked at his email and saw a ticket to Arizona, where my Dad lived. Needless to say, my Dad approved, and the rest is history!

Three years into a bond and relationship that has never been questioned, we are living together and fulfilling what we believe to be our purpose is - serving and leading others in a global movement. From long distance, to living in an apartment together located in Scottsdale, Arizona, there was no doubt that Christian was going to pop the question… eventually!

Christian asked for my Father’s blessing and shared with my family how he was going to propose, which left them all in tears! First, we flew to North Carolina to visit Christian’s family, then down to Miami, Florida. When we landed in Miami, we got settled into our hotel, then ventured on to a cute urban restaurant on South Beach. I remember ordering the strawberry Kale salad (which is such an insignificant detail). We went on a stroll on the white sand after lunch. We splashed in the water, laughed a lot, danced in the sand, and when I turned around, Christian was down on one knee! I, of course, said yes!!!

Right after that, we hopped in a helicopter that was waiting to take us on a tour of Miami. Everything was so perfect, I had to make sure I wasn’t actually dreaming!! I couldn’t help myself from smiling, and staring at my fiance and then my ring, back to my fiance, and thinking just how wonderful God is!”

- Brittney Robb

Showering The Bride With Love!

Welcome back to Thoughts & Musings!

We love Wednesdays because that means that we can share some insight on whatever topic was requested most by our readers. In today’s post, we will not being talking about the wedding day specifically, but one of the events leading up to the big day:

THE BRIDAL SHOWER!

Traditionally, the Maid of Honor will throw the Bride a shower (along with the help of the other bridesmaids), although it could be anyone associated with the bride and/or groom. This can be an overwhelming task, especially if said person has never had to do it before, but that’s where we come in! Read on and you will have a easy-to-follow checklist and timeline to make the planning, the execution, and the fun all happen smoothly!

PREPARATION STAGE:
1. Pick a date! Speaking for the majority, most bridal showers are held about two weeks to two months before the wedding date.
2. Determine the budget! Check with the other bridesmaids and see what they are willing and able to contribute to the bridal shower. Keep in mind that, as a rule, guests shouldn’t ever be expected to pay for their own meals (or drinks, for that matter).
3. Choose a location! Once the budget is set, it will be easier to decide on whether to use a venue ($$), or have an intimate gathering at one’s home ($).
4. Gather a guest list! Once the budget is set, compile a list of guests that you (AND MOSTLY THE BRIDE) want to come celebrate. Be sure that anyone who is invited to the shower is also invited to the wedding!
5. Pick a theme! You can either have the bride help decide what theme the bridal shower will have, or keep it a secret. If you do keep it a surprise, just make sure it’s something that matches the bride’s interests and taste.
6. Invitations! You can either buy invitations from a party-chain store, make invitations yourself, or have them made (Etsy saves lives, y’all!). As a rule of thumb, it’s always a good idea to put where the bride and groom are registered on the invite, so that guests know where to shop for the things the couple wants/needs, as well as an RSVP by date.
*PS - if you are keeping the bridal shower a surprise, as stated above, be sure to put that on the invite as well so nobody accidentally spoils it!

FOUR TO SIX WEEKS BEFORE THE SHOWER:
1. Send out the invitations! See above for invitation details. Add directions/address to the shower location!
2. Decide on decor! Are the centerpieces going to be floral arrangements? Does that match the theme of the event? Discuss and determine which person will be in charge of picking up/making items.
3. Call the rental company! Put in your rental order for tables, chairs, chair covers, linens, runners, etc.
*Pro tip: The extra couple of dollars it costs for set up and break down by the rental company’s staff is SO. WORTH. IT!
4. Pick your menu! If you know the Bride-to-be’s favorite meal, this is an easy decision. If not, well, it’s time to get creative. You can tie the menu into the theme - maybe a taco bar for a fiesta-themed shower. Or, if not, maybe soup and salads for a light lunch. Either way, make sure to have plenty of whatever you pick!
5. Choose which games you’ll play (if any)! We know, we know - most shower games are lame. However, if you are looking for a twist on the traditional bridal bingo, just search it on Pinterest! You’ll have endless options to choose from (that won’t make your guests’ eyes roll).
6. Purchase party favors/prizes! Even if you decide against games, you should still get something for your guests to go home with as a “thank you for your time, energy, gifts, and love”.

THE WEEK OF THE SHOWER:
1. Get the Bride-to-be a gift! As a rule of thumb, an appropriate amount to spend is between $30-$50. You are throwing the shower, after all!
2. Gather the last RSVPs! Despite the final RSVP date being days earlier, you are bound to have late bloomers and those whom just simply forget to reply to your invite. Take this time to reach out to those you have yet to hear from.
3. Confirm delivery times with vendors! The last thing you want is unnecessary stress on the day of the shower with incorrect or late deliveries. Be sure to call the venue, caterer, bakery, rental company, etc., just to confirm. Don’t worry about being needy; vendors are used to it by now!

ONE DAY BEFORE THE SHOWER:
1. Follow up with bridesmaids! Much like confirming the details with the vendors, you should do the same with the bridesmaids. It eliminates confusion and chaos the morning of the shower.
2. Prep what you can of the food! If you are catering the event yourself, it would be wise to prepare whatever you can of the food now. Cut the fruit for the trays, put the condiments in bowls, etc. Even completing the smallest tasks can be beneficial in crunch time.

SHOWER DAY!!!
1. Set up and HAVE FUN! Now’s the time to bring your weeks’ worth of hard work and dedication to fruition!

We hope this skeleton of shower planning helps ease some of the anxiety you may be feeling when you realize that you are the chosen one! And, of course, if you need some more guidance, feel free to give us a call! We’d be happy to help, or do it all, for you!

Talk to you next time on Thoughts & Musings!